I was at a family christening , there were six children from different families all being christened at the same time, so the church was packed to the rafters .My three year old son was sitting very patiently , the vows were taken and then there were some hymns sang during which time the collection plate was sent round , my son placed his offering in the velvet cup and the hymn ended , the church was in total silence as the vicar started to say a prayer .At this point My boy was getting restless, he threw me completely when he jumped up onto the pew and screamed at the top of his voice " We've PAID THE LADY CAN'T WE LEAVE NOW !!" .Needless to say the entire congregation roared with laughter and I was left with an extremely red face .

Nice one

What about the time a friend of mine who knew I was at a loose end, asked me if I wanted to join her and her work colleagues on a night out as one of their colleagues was leaving her job. I walked into the pub, straight up to the counter and saw my friend, started chatting and when she introduced me to her colleague who was leaving, said "oh, how lovely, now I know why you are leaving...when is your baby due?" Yes, you can guess, she was just overweight....there was a huge silence, and she said "actually, I am looking forward to going to my new job....." it was one of those moments when I really wished there was a huge hole I could have jumped into!!